Loving an Addict
Loving an addict
You grow up admiring parents, friends, and family. You expect it to stay that way forever. It’s not always that easy though. What happens when these ‘perfect’ people to you turn into people you don’t even know? I was about 8 sitting in my dad's house wondering when he would get up. ‘Dad must be tired I thought..’ Hours pass… ‘Wow, dad must really be tired’
My poor child self grew up around so much that I was so oblivious to all the bad going around. Which was good I think. But as I got older the pieces started to fall into place. I’ve never had a substance abuse issue so I don’t know what being an addict is like. I would never try to put myself in the shoes of an addict. But I know what loving one feels like. It feels like you are going up the roller coaster so scared, waiting to come down, and you never get to the bottom. It's an endless cycle of hope for change in the people you love and constant letdown. I spent a long time confused about why I wasn’t loved enough for my own family to care about me. But the fact of the matter is when you are an addict you hurt every single person around you and do not care who. I never believed this until people that I never thought would intentionally hurt me, did.
My hardest thing with this was not only loving an addict but was watching people that had their lives together just deteriorate. I still to this day can’t even stomach that. I could never normalize drug addiction within my family or friends because I knew that the people behind it were/are so much more. Like I literally had to watch so many people I admired just fall apart. But what can you do? Do you hate them? Do you let it make you sadder than you already have been for years? Do you ignore it?
If you’re expecting my typical list of ‘ways to cope’ … no. There’s no solution for a proper way to deal with loving addicts. My heart goes out to the ones that have to experience this. I have tried to pinpoint the right things for me to do and I have tried the old ‘well maybe if I help them do this then they won’t be that way anymore. I had to give myself a reality check to realize that I CANT FIX PEOPLE & I'M NOT THE REASON PEOPLE CHOSE THAT LIFE OVER ME. I can sit and say that, but I still struggle every day with thinking the people that I love addiction is my fault.
Just because everyone you know does drugs or is an alcoholic doesn’t mean you can't break the cycle. Do not let family define you. It's hard, my whole life I experienced the whole "her last name is this so she's a bad influence" or "she's gonna do drugs like her family" or "Do you know who her dad is?" Literally, I was the kid whose parents didn't want their kids around just because of their thought that I was just like my family. I was a bad influence. Funny how it works. As I have gotten older I learned not to care so much about what people say when it comes to that. If you’re one of those people, and you’re reading this, I overcame the expected.
If you have experienced or are experiencing this. I am truly sorry. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Do not think it is your fault, it isn’t. You are lovable and you are deserving of better in your life. I hope that you find the courage to stop trying to fix people and to push yourself to be more than what the ‘expected’ is out of an addiction family.
I too loved an addict. It cost us our marriage, our friendship and later his life. It has left a hole in my heart that will forever be.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you!
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